DAMN interesting day.
First, we played charades and CS got humped by you know who. AHEMAHEM
Second, we were all very sadistic during History.
Third, SPW was really, really awesome. Haha, Gabriel rocks at acting XDXD
And that's all. I'm just gonna rant now so you can not read the rest.
Wtf is wrong with me? Is there a Retreat button in my mind that guilt pushes every bloody time I'm about to do something? To other people participating in AXY...I'm not sure if I can do it. It's like I always have two emotions battling each other every damned second. My mind's tearing itself apart, that I'm absolutely sure. The war that my rivaling feelings holds will drive me to true insanity one day. I'm already thinking that I'm schizophrenic or something. It's always that I want to do something but some part of me holds me back, having a kind of stupid conscience thing going on.
"If they have pride, I can teach them strength." -Zahira Elfenesh, protagonist of 'Daughter of Flames'.
I only wish that someone could teach me strength...
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 4:41 AM
It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry
Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It's a very cute song, ne? My favorite line is "I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral".
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 5:24 AM
Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor
So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is midieval
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch
Do you get
Do you get a little kick of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it
Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch
Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
F--k you
F--k you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch
This song by Lily Allen is dedicated to the few people that contributed in making my day HORRIBLE. I won't go into details, but I do have one thing to say to them...
F--k you, f--k you very much.
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 4:24 AM
Had a fun time--sweatingcoughcough--at Chinese Gardens with Rhia today.
And I wore my freakingly pinchy flats again...Screw the day I ever bought those cursed shoes. Now I've got three lovely blisters on my foot. AIN'T THAT JUST PEACHY? Thank God Rhia lent me a pair of flip flops or I would have DIED of bleeding-foot-blister-iosis.
We spent our afternoon slacking in the resthouse at Jap gardens. Not much happened but after that I changed into my rather frilly white shirt and long skirt. What followed was a ton of twirling(by me), photo-taking (by the both of us) and sweating. DAMN THE SWELTERING WEATHER~!!! I wanted it to rain so that I could Stand in the Rain...
Marshmallows...Soft and squishy marshmallows...
Here are two of the pictures Rhia helped me take(edited, of course):
If you wanna see the rest, visit my profile page on DeviantArt.com: Seething-Repentance
Sae, OUT!
I lost my pants, can I have yours?
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 8:49 AM
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
I'm seriously IN LOVE with this song. Of all the inspirational songs I've heard, this one's the ultimate BEST! THE BEST I TELLS YA~!!!
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 5:30 AM
Breaking the Habit, by Linkin Park
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 5:56 AM
It's time for me to stop moping and give life all I've got...but why must I tear me down?
I've had a great day, until I came home. Seriously, what did I do to myself? For some reason I can't explain, I refuse to show any emotion around my family unless the situation calls for it. I don't tell them anything anymore. Talking to them used to be so easy...As far as they know, I'm an emo-ish teen who rarely shows emotions. You people know I'm not like that at all.
But why? Why is it so hard to express myself in front of my family? I don't feel intimidated by them. I don't feel anything around them.
I don't usually pour my heart out on my blog, but...screw it. I need something to vent on and here is where I can do it.
My mom is awesome. She does everything to make sure my family is happy. She drives me home from school no matter how far away she is whenever I request. She gives me whatever I want as long as it is logical and within her limitations. She wants us to live comfortably. She tries very hard to connect with me. I shouldn't have any problems talking with her...but why the f**k can't I say anything to her.
My dad is quiet. He cares about me in a silent way that is similar to what we read in chapter 17 of our Chinese textbook. He tries to teach me to be independent so that I wouldn't crumble when I grow up. I hardly say anything to him though...
My brother is probably the one who wants to understand me the most. He dotes on me, his only little sister. He talks to me whenever he's back from NS. I used to tell him everything. He was my best friend. What happened? Well...we grew up. It's the same for everyone, isn't it? We grow up, we drift.
...I feel like laughing at myself right now. I can't tell my family my f**king problems but I'm spilling everything on this stupid blog. I feel like a damned fool. What the f**k is my problem?!!!!
I don't know anymore...
I promised myself once that I will try to be happy everyday, but someone like me seems to always drag myself down. It's time to stop moping, I said, time to grow up. -sigh- I feel like crying my eyes out. I can't, anyway; my eyes can't cry normally anymore; no stream of tears, only moistened eyes. Nothing real can make me cry anymore...but all I ever wanted to do was cry.
It sucks...a lot.
Screw it, goddammit. Screw it all.
It's time for me to stop moping and give life all I've got...but why must I tear me down? WHY?
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 5:20 AM
IT'S A DAMN GEWD DAY AND I FEEL GEWD~!!!
Recommendation: Papillon-Hana to Chou
It's DAMN nice! I cried during the DAMN sad parts and they're like DAMN sad! Not normal!sad, it's DAMN sad! And I know SOMEONE would probably like it!
And as I said before, it's a DAMN good day! Started out quite sad--normal!sad--in the morning though*...
BUT!!!
We left for Singapore Polytechnic at around 9am(Remember, KY is a traitor to blue house but AHEM is an insult to blue house XDXD) and everyone was DAMN high on the bus because very few of us were there and each of us get to have one seat to ourselves! When we got to SP, we all started setting up our board game...thingies. XINYI AND I RAWK-ED OUT LOUD TODAY! Seriously! That girl may be the queen of board games! So DAMN lucky at 'em!
AND WE GOT MS. NURAINI TO TREAT US BECAUSE WE -blahblahblah-!!!!! I KNEW WE WOULD -blahblahblah-!!! I JUST KNEW IT!!!! Why? Because we are so DAMN awesome!
Spent the rest of the day playing Settlers of Catan with Xinyi, haha. We conquered the whole DAMN island, y'know. And we were surprisingly calm throughout the game save for some random outbursts from time to time.
Now I'm typing here on this DAMN thing. Yes, I really needed to put DAMN in that last sentence. Btw, do you know how CUTE Zexion looks in a dress?! HE LOOKS SO DAMN CUTE~!!!
Kiren Sae, out!
*: I realized...It's time for me to grow up. Time for me to stop moping like a pathetic weakling and start giving life all I've got...because I may never know when will be my last day. Face it, no one wants to die in sorrow. So, it's time for me to grow up.
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 3:32 AM
Born of the twin fish Pisces on the 8th of March
