It's time for me to stop moping and give life all I've got...but why must I tear me down?
I've had a great day, until I came home. Seriously, what did I do to myself? For some reason I can't explain, I refuse to show any emotion around my family unless the situation calls for it. I don't tell them anything anymore. Talking to them used to be so easy...As far as they know, I'm an emo-ish teen who rarely shows emotions. You people know I'm not like that at all.
But why? Why is it so hard to express myself in front of my family? I don't feel intimidated by them. I don't feel anything around them.
I don't usually pour my heart out on my blog, but...screw it. I need something to vent on and here is where I can do it.
My mom is awesome. She does everything to make sure my family is happy. She drives me home from school no matter how far away she is whenever I request. She gives me whatever I want as long as it is logical and within her limitations. She wants us to live comfortably. She tries very hard to connect with me. I shouldn't have any problems talking with her...but why the f**k can't I say anything to her.
My dad is quiet. He cares about me in a silent way that is similar to what we read in chapter 17 of our Chinese textbook. He tries to teach me to be independent so that I wouldn't crumble when I grow up. I hardly say anything to him though...
My brother is probably the one who wants to understand me the most. He dotes on me, his only little sister. He talks to me whenever he's back from NS. I used to tell him everything. He was my best friend. What happened? Well...we grew up. It's the same for everyone, isn't it? We grow up, we drift.
...I feel like laughing at myself right now. I can't tell my family my f**king problems but I'm spilling everything on this stupid blog. I feel like a damned fool. What the f**k is my problem?!!!!
I don't know anymore...
I promised myself once that I will try to be happy everyday, but someone like me seems to always drag myself down. It's time to stop moping, I said, time to grow up. -sigh- I feel like crying my eyes out. I can't, anyway; my eyes can't cry normally anymore; no stream of tears, only moistened eyes. Nothing real can make me cry anymore...but all I ever wanted to do was cry.
It sucks...a lot.
Screw it, goddammit. Screw it all.
It's time for me to stop moping and give life all I've got...but why must I tear me down? WHY?
That past vanishes in a blizzard of pink and white... 5:20 AM
Born of the twin fish Pisces on the 8th of March
